I’ll never know, though my eyes have seen and ears heard, the sacrifice of your love
My nature gets in the way, and off the righteous path I just stray
Only to come back in return, for my despair you give me hope
This short a cappella meditation is taken from the mental picture of my grandmother sitting at her window (in the projects) listening to the kids play outside her window. Her meditation time was often taken up by her struggle to balance what God wanted her to be, as opposed to who she was. When we are not careful, self-hatred can mask itself behind religion, causing us to bandy back and forth between a life we believe to be holy and one that we believe to be unholy and wrong. In the case of many like my grandmother, when she desired to be her best self, she hated her imperfect self. She left me with a lesson to love myself wholly – the good, the bad, the ugly,the beautiful, the angry, the silent, the peaceful…etc. I am grateful.